“You take your own life into your own hands, and what happens? A terrible thing, no one to blame.” – Erica Jong
It can be daunting to think that we do in fact have control over our lives. We have the power and choice to our actions and thoughts. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from my mother, it’s that there is always a choice. Minimally we always have at least 3 choices we can make.
The first choice we have the power to make, is to say yes. The power of yes can open so many doors and opportunities for us. The power of yes can also bring trouble and stress. So how do we know when to say yes? I’d like to say my intuition can usually always guide me. Unfortunately, that’s not always true. Some things take trial and error, but that’s how we learn to set our boundaries in what we can and can’t handle.
Secondly, the power to say no. This power is one of my favorites. Its taken me many years, and is something I’ve been working on since I’ve been about 7 years old (not that I’m old by any means). As I’ve come to understand the word no, I believe that it’s instead giving the ability to say yes to ourselves. However, this power can be a process and takes time to develop. For someone who has a giving personality, and is what I like to call a “people pleaser”, it can be hard to do. It took me a very long time to understand that by not telling others no, I couldn’t say yes to myself. And in order to give to the best of my ability, I need to take care of myself first.
Lastly, the choice to do nothing. In my opinion, this is the most dangerous of all. It also can be the most silent and undetectable of all three choices. This is the choice that will often present itself in the idea of you can’t, don’t have the ability to, or that things are ultimately out of your control and you don’t have a choice. In my opinion, there’s nothing more dangerous than a sitting duck unwilling to move. However, to note that in a conflict situation there is a time to pick and choose your battles. Waiting to make a decision that will put you in a better position, is different than choosing to stay in the same situation, and I will elaborate on that topic at a later time.
Knowing you have a choice is a powerful tool to have in your arsenal. No matter the situation you’re in, you always have a choice. In no way am I saying your situation and decision is easy and simple, because decisions never are. There’s not a clear formula I can give to help you make the right decision. However, I want to equip you with the power and perspective to know that those choices exist. The power that no one, except for yourself can take the existence of those choices away. You have control, and you have a choice.
Alex Pircer