The Importance of Choosing Your Friends Wisely.

Trust is a large part of any relationship, along with caring and support.  When we enter new friendships we’re trying to figure out the other person, and understand them.  We ask them questions, ask ourselves questions, but what are we really trying to get at?

Part of knowing how to choose your friends, is knowing who you are, and what you need in your life currently.  More specifically, it’s important to have an idea of what you value, how you can add value to their life, and vise versa.  Friendships are two-way streets that can involve a lot of work and maintenance, but can be more successful when there are similar values.

Each of my friendships offer different and great aspects to my life.  However, I wouldn’t be able to appreciate those, if I didn’t understand how important they are to myself first.  Here are my 5 top list of values, and how they work for me in my friendships.  But note there are more values not here that are important to me too.

1. Consistency and Reliability – All of my friendships must have these two things. For me consistency and reliability lets me feel secure in our friendship, and is a form of trust.  I know that when S#*T hits the fan they will be there, and they will be there when things are amazing too. All of my closest friendships have this quality, because I expect myself to do the same for them.
2. Empathy and Support – Shows me my friends care and are able to put themselves in my position.  It doesn’t necessarily mean they try to give me advice, or expect me to take their advice.  This aspect of a friendship is crucial for me, as it shows they only want the best for me.  However, that the decision I make even if they disagree, they will still support me and my dreams.  With this, I know that they firmly believe in me just as I believe in them.
3. Ambition – Having goals and ambition shows me that they want more, and are willing to grow.  Growth-minded individuals like to move forward and don’t linger on the past for a long time.  They show persistence and determination, which tells me if our friendship ever hits a rough spot, that they wont just give up.  People with Ambition are willing to challenge, and push my thinking to a different place.  They also inspire me, and I get so excited that they’re even my friend when they have another goal, because I get to be there to support them.
4. Humor – Anyone who knows me knows I laugh. A LOT.  They know I love to have fun, be weird and silly.   Most importantly anyone who knows me even a little, knows I laugh the most at my own jokes.  But humor holds more than just having a good time.  To me when I’m able to laugh, it means I am letting go and feel comfortable around them, and I can be myself.  Also if they understand my jokes, I know they will be able to understand me when I go to talk in circles about something I’m having a hard time understanding myself.
5. Honesty – The truth can hurt, be funny, and it can be sad. I know that I can say some things in a friendship that could’ve come out differently, and I should have used different phrasing.  I can offend, seem rude at times and micromanage.  So I need friends who can tell me if I’m not being a good friend.  Its important that my friends feel comfortable enough to let me know how they feel, and what they need from me.  Sometimes its easy to forget there are others in your equation when you’re focused in your own little world.  Honesty in friendships, shows me they care not only about me, but themselves.  They are able to take care of their needs, but know when they need support too.

As I’ve navigated through my friendships, the older I get the stronger they seem to become too.  It could be that we are all growing stronger in who we are, and our beliefs and outlook on life are becoming clearer.  I do know, however that most of my friendships currently are now a longer distance than they have been.  Normally this would have scared me in the past, but I know that I’ve chosen my inner circle based on our values lining up with each other.  We all have a similar outlook on life and involve each other in our futures without having to compromise our lives.  Security in my friendships has let me do amazing things.

Thank you to my inner circle,

Alex Pirer